


nothing's like before

by waytothedawn (aominedaikis)



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Gen, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, it doesn't really have a plot though, mainly just a study in kairi, this is the fic where kairi deals with Things after the kh3 ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:27:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24574570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aominedaikis/pseuds/waytothedawn
Summary: kairi thinks that maybe if the roles were reversed, —if hayner, pence and olette were the ones trying to save the worlds—then maybe it’d be kairi sitting here comforting olette instead.healing, in three parts; as told by kairi.
Relationships: Kairi & Olette (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi & Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi & Ventus (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi/Olette (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	nothing's like before

**Author's Note:**

> title from utada hikaru's simple and clean.

**_i._ ** _desperation._

riku jumps straight back into his keyblade master duties.

a part of kairi wants to scream at him, wants to grab onto his shoulders and shake him and ask, “ _how_?”

sora is missing, and riku hasn’t even so much as looked at her. she wants him to slow down, to sit with her by the paopu tree on their island and maybe then the two of them can talk about sora.

but riku has never been one to stop.

he’s withdrawn himself so far from kairi that sometimes it’s hard to say that she still knows him, but she _does_. she does and she knows that this isn’t riku giving up on them. he doesn’t tell her, —doesn’t talk to her, even, and she can’t say it doesn’t hurt—but she knows.

the frequent visits to master yen sid’s tower, the flights to radiant garden on his gummi ship, the days long disappearances to other worlds. they’re all an effort to find sora and bring them together again.

it’s hard to hate him when he’s always trying.

it’s also hard to be left behind, _again_.

( he still loves her, she knows.

he loved her when he gave himself up to the darkness for her.

he loved her when he found a keyblade fitting for her—the one called destiny’s embrace.

he loved her when he delivered her a new uniform and told her it’s time she starts training.

he loves her now, when he looks at her when he thinks she doesn’t know he’s looking.

he loves her, even when the only way he knows how to show it is to bring sora home.

he loves her, still, and kairi can’t possibly love him any less anyways. )

she knows they think that she can’t feel their eyes on her. but it’s almost painful, how often they look at her. once, when she looks back at the sound of a loud laugh, she meets roxas’ eyes and he immediately looks away. she thinks maybe she felt aqua looking too, at some point. she wouldn’t be surprised if aqua was looking, because it’s aqua and kairi’s come to learn that she’s always looking out for everyone.

and then there’s riku.

of course there’s riku. riku’s gaze _burns_.

she’s used to riku looking at her, —he hasn’t stopped whenever they happen to cross paths—but it still burns all the same.

_why don’t you talk to me?_ she wants to scream. _why do you keep looking at me when you think no one else is looking? why do you think i’m fragile? talk to me!_ she imagines saying this to riku, imagines herself climbing off that paopu tree and running into his arms where he sits alone now.

( she doesn’t. )

kairi wonders, if maybe it would hurt less if the most riku has said to her wasn’t a fierce, “i’ll find him, kairi. i’ll bring him home. to you and to me.”

when she thinks riku isn’t looking, —his lips twisted into a small smile when his eyes are fixed on roxas and his new friends—she looks back at him. she wonders, if her gaze burns him like his burns her, too.

* * *

**_ii._ ** _distraction._

ventus, kairi decides, is an angel.

there’s so much of sora in him, —or is it him in sora?—that it’s impossible to not like ventus. when he smiles the world around him lights up, and now he smiles at her and it’s hard to not smile back. not for the first time, kairi thinks of how she understands aqua’s devotion to keeping this boy safe.

if sora is the sky, a constant reminder that they’re all limitless if they just take the leap, ventus is the feeling of flight. ventus is the wind, kairi thinks, pushing everyone to fly higher and higher.

ventus makes her feel like anything’s possible.

she doesn’t quite know what to do with the feeling, but she knows she likes his company. she likes that he’s one of the few people who doesn’t treat her like she’s made of glass.

he reminds her so much of sora sometimes—painfully so.

she wonders if he knows that.

she wonders if he minds it. she wonders if he thinks it’s a good thing, because kairi does and being around him makes her feel like smiling is easier. maybe she’s biased, but it doesn’t hurt, does it? it’s not like she actively looks for traces of sora in him.

she swears she doesn’t.

ven invites her to the land of departure one afternoon. she gets a message on her gummiphone, telling her that he’s taking a detour from one of his little missions in another world. _i’ll pick you up,_ he texts. _then we can go to the land of departure together :)_

kairi doesn’t have the heart to say no. besides, she could use the company. riku’s off somewhere _again_ , and hanging out with selphie doesn’t feel the same anymore. she could use being around ventus.

she shoots him a quick, _sure, see you soon :)_

ven comes around to pick her up. he smiles at her as a hello, because kairi has never seen ventus not smiling. she smiles back, because it’s easy to smile when she’s around him. he holds out her hand and helps her climb onto his ship.

when they arrive in the land of departure he takes her on a tour of the world he calls home. “it’s long overdue,” ven tells her, his eyes lighting up like it means everything to him to show her around. his chirity, perched on his head, nods enthusiastically to back him up.

kairi laughs. “it is,” she agrees. she hasn’t been to places the way ven has, but maybe she can start now. maybe she doesn’t need to be left behind anymore.

she’s not riku, who has a title to his name and a mission to accomplish, but it doesn’t mean that she has to sit still, does it?

she’s here, with ventus, and she thinks that ven wouldn’t mind if kairi asks him if he wants to get some keyblade training done with her. she reminds herself to do that later, when he’s done with his tour.

for now, ventus takes her hand to pull her deeper into the castle. when she squeezes his hand back, kairi feels something flutter in her chest.

it feels a little like hope.

* * *

**_iii._ ** _decision._

it’s hard to look at hayner, pence and olette and not be jealous. it’s hard to look at _any_ of the people she fought with and not be jealous. sora’s fought for this, to bring aqua, terra and ventus back to each other and to reunite roxas, axel and xion.

the nasty voice in her head—the one that only comes when she wakes from nightmares of sora dying—hisses that it’s not fair.

she ignores the voice.

but it’s always hardest to look at hayner, pence and olette, because something about them reminds her the most about her, sora and riku. maybe it’s the fact that she’s been around the three of them before, —a time that feels like millions of years ago—that she knows what their relationship is like. or maybe she sees herself in olette, just a little, and it makes her yearn to once again have what olette has with her friends.

maybe it’s that she doesn’t understand how the three of them have been through all this, but they still are the same. olette still smiles when she playfully hits hayner’s arm. pence still shakes his head fondly at the other two.

how she wishes that she has this, now. but sora is missing, riku is chasing after him, and kairi is still trying to make peace with it.

it’s not easy.

olette notices.

kairi’s both surprised and unsurprised, but she credits herself for not startling herself into the water when olette comes up behind her and touches her shoulder. she turns to face olette.

“hey,” the other girls says. she offers kairi a smile. “can we talk? like, just between the two of us?”

she’s not sure she wants to talk. not yet. not now. there’s a part of her that’s scared that she’ll fall apart if she talks.

she can’t fall apart, because she’s a princess of hearts. she’s a light in the darkness, a face for hope, a beacon to the people she loves.

but _because_ she’s a princess of hearts, —supposed to be as pure as they come—she gives olette a small smile in return. pats the space next to her to tell olette to sit. “sure,” kairi says. “what about?”

olette settles in easily next to her. but she doesn’t immediately speak, so kairi glances at her in curiosity. she finds olette chewing on her bottom lip.

when she finally meets kairi’s gaze, she asks, “are you okay?”

kairi’s not sure how to answer that.

she’s nothing if not honest and sincere, though, so she honestly says, “it’s hard. i don’t know what to do now that sora’s gone.” it’s even harder now, that she remembers him. it’s a reminder that she hasn’t done enough for him. kairi looks at her hands. “did you know… i promised that it’s my turn to protect him now,” she continues. “i told axel that i’ll protect him.” _and look where that got me._

olette touches her shoulder. it prompts kairi to look at her again. “he…” olette starts. “they’ll find him, kairi. you know that, right? they’ll be able to find him because of _you_.”

“i…” she knows that. of course she does. she knows that when riku finds sora and drags him home again, they’ll tell her that it’s thanks to kairi that he _could_ be found at all. her fate is linked to sora’s, after all.

but is that enough? is this what she really wants? is she okay with sitting here and waiting—waiting for them to twist the story to make her the heroine?

“i just want to do something more. i feel like i _should_ do something more,” she says. “you get it, don’t you?”

the expression on olette’s face softens. it’s not pity, like the one she sometimes catches on roxas’ when she sees him looking. it’s… understanding, almost. maybe she gets it more than kairi thought she would.

olette lets out a laugh. her hand falls away from kairi’s shoulder. “of course i do,” she replies. “have you _seen_ my friends? it’s like trying to play catch up with a hurricane with hayner around.”

_oh._ so maybe they’re more similar than kairi thought they’d be. or at least, they would be if hayner’s biggest problem isn’t something as mundane as what he’s going to buy for lunch tomorrow with his allowance money.

kairi thinks that maybe if the roles were reversed, —if hayner, pence and olette were the ones trying to save the worlds—then maybe it’d be kairi sitting here comforting olette instead.

what a thought that is.

when riku leaves again, —he has a lead, he says, but he can’t tell her just yet—kairi finds herself in twilight town.

she’s sitting with olette on a bench overlooking the beach—one that can’t be more different than the one she knows back home. olette is saying, “i think riku just doesn’t want to disappoint you. he doesn’t want you hurt, you know? i’m sure he’ll tell you when he has something more solid.”

_what riku wants and what i want isn’t the same thing,_ kairi almost says.

but it’s not true, because she wants sora back as much as riku does. it’s just that she wants more than riku does, because she wants _him_ back as much as she wants sora back, too. she just really, really wants _both_ her best friends back. she wishes riku could see that.

kairi hums. her legs dangle off the bench, and she straightens them out in front of her. “i know,” she says softly. “it’s just… i wish i could do something to help.”

it feels like a recurring theme in her thoughts now, the want to do something more. she hasn’t really figured out what to do with it.

olette is silent now, and kairi almost misses how long the silence stretches on if not for the fact that she somehow managed to drag herself out of her own thoughts. “what is it?” kairi asks, folding her legs back in.

olette’s eyes find hers. she purses her lips, like she’s thinking. kairi waits. then, olette says, “i know it’s not the same, because we aren’t saving the worlds or going on top secret missions, but… you could always hang out with us, you know? with me, and hayner and pence.”

kairi appreciates the offer. maybe that’ll be a welcomed distraction. olette goes on, “you could like, i don’t know, teach us stuff? pence would be thrilled to learn about magic. we could pull our weight too, somehow.”

not a distraction, then.

a purpose.

olette gives her a smile. it’s hopeful. kairi’s lips twist to mirror olette’s.

her chest feels warm. “sure,” she says, and her smile grows. she wants to hug olette.

olette reaches out and touches the inside of her wrist.

it’s a plea for permission. an offer. an invitation.

kairi takes it.

she kisses olette back when olette leans in to fit their mouths together. her lips taste sweet, like strawberries.

kairi thinks, _is this how olette thanks people for teaching her things?_

kairi thinks that she’s going to be okay.


End file.
